I can’t believe we’ve been home for almost a week! Day 1 of being home I was very cocky, “jet lag’s got nothin on me!” Then I hit a wall and went to bed before 8. That was pretty much our whole week. Early to bed and early to rise, which is very against my nature. I feel a little dirty, but also pretty productive. Hello world! I’m a morning person now! This new schedule was punctuated by Siobhan waking up at all sorts of ungodly hours, but now its consistently between 6 and 7 (old me would shudder and say “Nope!” morning person me is super cool. Well…medium cool. She has a coffee before she gets her kid out of bed, because she’s still not like the BEST mom.)
Saturday night last week we got some pretty bad news. Another family had committed to the child we had been hoping for. Last summer I saw some pictures of this little one, but we were in the hospital and hadn’t been home for long enough to start our second adoption. We were also pretty set on India for next time. Then in November the pictures and profile reappeared just before my birthday and I sent them to Jason.
**Let me take a second to explain how Bulgaria works. Each Bulgarian agency gets profiles of waiting kids that they can advocate for over the next 8 weeks. Each Bulgarian agency (or NGO as they are called) works with several different agencies in North America, therefore the agencies here also have access to the file for 8 weeks. So during this time from summer to November this particular child had been redistributed to different NGO’s for a few months.
I remember it was on my birthday that we talked some more and shortly after decided to start the paperwork. (In our province you technically aren’t allowed to start the paperwork until you’ve had your child for one year, by either birth or adoption, and our one year was on November 30th.) At first we thought this child would never wait for us, their needs were fairly minor. But the profile stuck around! Our agency did not work with the right NGO so we filed paperwork to request the file at the next distribution. At the last minute another family committed through the right NGO and therefore we were not considered. We are still pretty sad. Our homestudy is done but awaiting some final approvals, so we will spend the next few weeks taking a little emotional break. A huge part of me hopes that it won’t be a match and the child will come available again. I know that sounds horrible, but the unfortunate thing about facebook groups is that I know who the family is, and I know they hadn’t started any paperwork at the time of commitment (which is allowed in the US) so we would have been faster at getting this baby home. I know, I know, everything happens for a reason. Believe me, I KNOW! This happened to us once last time that while we were waiting for our paperwork a child I loved found another family. I know that if it had worked out we wouldn’t have our amazing daughter. I know this, and still I think about him and where he ended up. Just as you can love more than one child in your family, the love is not mutually exclusive. I can still love and miss what wasn’t, while appreciating and loving what IS.
I know if nothing else, that this little brought us back to Bulgaria, even if I don’t know why. If we hadn’t decided to go for it our lives could look very different! Prior to starting our second adoption, Jason and I were both out of work.We were living with my parents and all of our stuff was in storage. We had a tiny bit of money from myself getting officially laid off. We were very seriously considering leaving the country for a few months and helping a mission somewhere. We contacted several organizations and looked for a good fit for our family. We prayed about it a lot and first Siobhan got sick. She has a terrible immune system and we end up at the ER more than I care to mention (I know this sounds like we are crazy helicopter parents, but so far we have just been very fortunate that nothing was too serious. We have taken her for a fever of 105.8 that drugs weren’t touching, for coughing up blood, etc. REAL STUFF I swear.) This was kind of a sign for us that it would be irresponsible to take her somewhere without quick access to medical care. So then we considered this little, and a second adoption from Bulgaria. Almost immediately Jason got a job. Okay God! But we don’t have a place to live… And then we got a house (that we could afford!) And then we still had a tiny bit of money to start our adoption. And here we are!
Phew! This was a heavy post! Much longer and more detailed than I had intended! I was going to also share our new fundraiser and the details of how much we’ve spent so far (nearly 1/5th of the way there…I think…I’ll add as I post!) but I think I will save that for tomorrow. Stay tuned!